


Never Too Late To Fuck

by 1JettaPug



Category: KISS (US Band), Never Too Young To Die (Movies)
Genre: 1980s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Attempt at Humor, Dirty Thoughts, Evil Plans, Hermaphrodites, Hot, M/M, Porn, Rock Stars, Rough Sex, Seduction, Spit As Lube, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 10:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17364089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1JettaPug/pseuds/1JettaPug
Summary: Based off the 1986 action adventure comedy, Lance Stargrove is a young man who must come to terms with the death of his secret-agent father at the hands of the evil bisexual hermaphrodite Velvet Von Ragner. Will he choose to fight against the villain and seek vengeance, or will he find himself totally charmed by the dangerous temptress?





	Never Too Late To Fuck

**Author's Note:**

> Heheh... HaAhahaah! Gene thought his movies were safe from my fanfic writing! Hahahah! *evil laughs and lightning strikes in the background* 
> 
> Okay, with that out of the way... This was a lovely project of mine~ <3 I can only thank Gene Simmons for bringing it to life through his movie career and willing to dress in drag (and look very glamorous while doing so <3) for his fans~! I will provide three links to two videos of him in Never Too Young To Die below:
> 
> The trailer for the movie, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEqPw_7IyiM
> 
> The dance and intro of the fic, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJsy434hg5c&t=150s
> 
> Velvet seducing Lance, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Njs7ovbi4qI
> 
> Enjoy~! <3

“ _Velvet! Velvet! Velvet!_ ”

As the roaring chant of the crowd continued, Lance found himself casting his gaze over to the stage that everyone had seemed to gather around. They were waiting for a show. But something poked the back of his mind, correcting him. No, they were waiting for the show.

Everyone was clapping, the guitar players were helping amp up the crowd and motorcycles screeched impatiently for the main star of the show.

Then a spotlight was turned on and cast down to where the steps met the stage. 

Immediately, Lance’s eyes landed on a pair of tight, lacy panties. He swallowed. Perhaps because of how Velvet kept dragging out the curve of his hips with each step he took in those platform heels of his. The root of his cock was clearly visible through the lace, but the rest of it was teasingly hidden behind semi-translucent black material and rhinestones. Still, the thinness of that material made the shape of what was within it patently obvious, like tracing paper. Fuck, he could probably draw a portrait of his dick from memory, after seeing it through its gauzy cage. And even from his higher vantage point, as Velvet impressively stretched one leg out above the crowd’s heads, he could spot the subtle outline of the telltale plump lips of his vagina.

“ _Whoa…_ ” Lance subtly readjusted his jeans and bit his lower lip.

Velvet threw out his arms, effectively silencing the crowd’s voices with his dominating presence. He did allow them to continue to clap as he strutted down the steps and onto the stage. With a microphone in hand, he began to purr into it, 

“ _It takes a man like me to be a woman like me-_ ” He crooned, emphasizing the full rounded shapes of his breasts with the smooth motion of his hand. “ ** _YEAH!_** ”

Velvet walked along the stage like it was his bitch, and he owned it. His left hand glided back and ran over the sweet curve of his ass, causing a pair of girls to faint excitedly at the lewd motion.

He smirked, his lips drawing back, revealing a stunning set of canines. “ _Can you guess what I am? Do you believe what you see? **YEAH!**_ ” His thighs spread apart, and he thrusted up into the air, causing Lance to gulp.

Playfully, Velvet toyed with the microphone in his right hand, swinging it about as if it were a riding crop of sorts. He was absorbing the energy of his crowd and loving every second of it. He smiled, raising his head even higher and giving it a smug little shake. Truly, he loved what he did.

But as he turned his head to the left, Velvet’s dark eyes widened in surprise. _Stargrove!_ He never forgot a pair of eyes, and those were just the pair he had been needing to find, lately.

The boy, Stargrove’s son obviously- just a deliciously young thing, too- had been leaning out over the safety bar of the balcony, watching him with strong eyes. Strong eyes, a confused mix of desire, and that touch of lust that Velvet knew all too well in anyone that even glanced at him.

The lips of his mouth curled back even further, and he shot the boy a teasing wink before rocking his hips in his direction. The crowd went wild, cheering him as he flirted.

Shyly, the boy turned his head to the side back towards the woman he obviously arrived here with. Velvet Von Ragner wanted to sneer at her mere presence. Danja Deering, the little bitchy thorn in his side… Oh well, he wouldn’t have to be seeing her too much more once his plan got back on track.

As he fluffed the feathers around his head and twisted his hips at the young Stargrove, Danja turned her head away in disgust. Another look that Velvet knew all too well from those who just couldn’t bare his beauty. But he had gotten oh so used to those looks years ago. He just shut his eyes and rolled them.

As he opened his eyes, he found himself catching the gaze of the young Stargrove once more. He licked his lips and batted his lashes at him, causing the poor boy to blush like a tomato.

“ _Well, is this a dream or can I be for real? Well, if you doubt yourself, I can let you feel! **YEAH!**_ ” he sung, throwing his arm into the air, electrifying the crowd. Ragner turned around on the stage and began to almost prowl along its edges like a wild beast. His left hand kept running over his front, playfully squeezing his breasts and dragging his long nails over the fishnet of his outfit.

Shaking his body along to the ripping music of the guitars, Velvet rocked his hips around as he lowered himself down to one of the ladies in the crowd. She was a beautiful young thing, blond hair and a tan. He smirked, teasing himself as he had the thought that he must’ve had a thing for new toys.

Carefully and sensually, he brought his long, pink nails down over her face, perfectly capturing the young woman. As he brought his nails down, she lustily took his middle finger’s nail into her mouth and ran her tongue over it like it was the best candy in the world. Velvet watched her with a loving gaze, then even when he brought his nail back up and placed it into his own mouth, his eyes still never left hers.

He motioned for her to rise, then he stuck out his amazingly long tongue. Velvet whipped it out, proudly, knowing it was the second-best gift from God that he ever got besides his dual gender.

The young woman rose up, eagerly taking in his tongue and enjoying their kiss.

Ah, but Velvet couldn’t help but sneak a quick peek back to the young Stargrove as he made out with her. The boy’s eyes had never left him.

Velvet preened under such devoted attention!

He watched as the young boy turned his head away when Danja started to say something. Even from all the way on his stage, Velvet could see his face twist and his lips draw down into an angry frown. Words must’ve been exchanged, because he soon saw Danja strike the boy upside the head before walking off.

His brow twitched curiously, but his eyes remained on the boy. “ _I’ve got no manners, and I’m not too clean,_ ” Ragner rose up and pointed to Stargrove. “ _You know what I like, if you know what I mean! **Yeah!**_ ”

The hurt in the young man’s eyes seemed to dull as he watched on. His neck was once more drawn just a bit over the safety bar of the balcony in curiosity and wonder.

“ _But I know who I am, so just don’t forget,_ ” Velvet beckoned to him, as if promising something to the boy. Something more than show, something more than the lies his daddy probably fed him. The young Stargrove almost seemed to nod. “ _Cause what you see, baby, is what you get! **Yeah!**_ ”

 

 

When the club started to clear out, Lance drifted off from the exiting crowd. He started walking, turned a corner, and began down a long corridor leading to the backstage. He was walking slowly, thinking, and all the hate, mystery and lies of his life seemed to fall further and further behind him as he went on. He glanced over his shoulder, as if expecting Danja to suddenly pop out of nowhere to explain everything, but she didn’t.

Lance shook his head.

She was just another bit of trouble that his father had dumped into his lap. A playmate with an attitude problem! Lance didn’t need that- didn’t want that! He wanted nothing to do with his old man!

And then Lance spotted the door.

It led up to the second floor, and the lettering on it spelled out, _Velvet~_ , in a fancy font. Lance climbed the stairs, and he paused when he reached the top of the stairs, checking behind him one last time. Nobody there. Story of his fucking life…

Before he could even consider changing his mind, he opened the door, slipped on through, shut it quickly behind him, and stood in the dark, his heart beating as fast as a hummingbird’s.

He stood there for a long time, listening to his own heartbeat and the last of the crowd as they filed out. He could hear their murmurs as they discussed the show in loud, excited tones from outside the windows of the room. Then they were gone, and the place was quiet. Lance at least thought that he would be able to hear noises from inside the club, people cleaning up and putting things back into place, but the whole building was as silent as a graveyard.

He slowly started to walk in. Red curtains were pulled back and tied up against the green walls, creating a dramatic entrance to the dressing room. A fancy looking divider stood on his left and a demonic middle age art piece hung up on the wall behind it.

Lance assumed it was middle age anyway, but he had trouble remembering those kinds of details when it had been over two years since his last art class, and he was in this particular situation. “Strange…”

Even stranger was the metal horse head mounted on the brick wall across from him. Below it laid about a hundred pillows, for what Lance assumed could only be for lounging or the like. Half of them were covered by random feathery boas, corsets and lacy outfits. Their owner must’ve thrown them while trying to decide what to wear since their mobile rack stood only a few feet away next to a wooden table. 

Lance’s eyes were quick to zoom in on the pile of photographs on the table next to a bottle of ink. He stepped over to it, his fingers about to touch the outline of Velvet’s face in the picture right on top when-

From behind red curtains, out stepped the star of the show, himself. Velvet looked up from his dark, now much shorter nails, and blinked at the intruder in his room. That seductive smile of his was quick to return when he saw that it was that Stargrove boy who’d basically been drooling over him during his performance.

“May I help you?” Velvet asked him, starting to circle around the young man, completely capturing him when he started to step back a bit. He began to study him, give him one hell of a look over, and he decided he looked positively delicious. He bet little Stargrove would look even better out of that old dark jacket and blue t-shirt… Maybe down on his knees, too~ 

Oh, but he was getting ahead of himself.

“Yeah, I, _ah,_ ” The young man stuttered a bit, fighting back a blush as Velvet tipped his chin up at him with his index finger. Well, more with his long nail than anything, but Lance still found himself meeting eye to eye with him. “I have tapes of all your shows, and I was wondering if I could get an autographed picture to take back to school…” he spoke softly. He didn’t even notice how he leaned into the touch as Velvet removed his finger.

“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” Velvet crooned, sweetly. He brought a hand up and brushed it alongside his head, feeling the fluff of his hair. “The writer adores her fans, especially such a yummy one~”

Turning on his heel, Velvet moved back towards the divider knowing he had a lovely new stack of photos to pick from. It was also an excellent way of telling if he heard the Stargrove boy move to try to plant any sort of devices in his room. While he did think of the young Stargrove as a very, very sweet treat, he didn’t completely trust him not to be in cahoots with his old man. And him showing up at his club so soon after the funeral? Hardly a coincidence, he thought as he shifted through his pictures.

Then again…. If he did want to give him the benefit of the doubt, then he could just assume that Danja woman lead him here. Maybe to show him the _cruel, deformed monster_ who was responsible for butchering his deadbeat daddy? It wasn’t the most unbelievable thing. That woman could very well have brought him here to pass the blame of his father’s death onto him. She was, after all, supposed to show up and be Stargrove’s back up on that last mission of his… Maybe she felt guilty as hell and felt like she needed to throw all the blame that she possibly could onto him.

Ragner hummed as he thought it over. Sure, sure. It was his bullet that struck Stargrove, but where was she to take it for him?

After finally finding a picture he liked, Velvet walked out from behind the divider and saw that the Stargrove boy had his back turned as he looked about the dressing room. A curious young man, he thought. But he didn’t hear him plant anything… What was he looking for then?

His heels clicked against the floor as he walked up behind him, slightly startling him. “Who should I make this out to?” he purred.

“To Bi-” Hurt. Something hurt arose in Stargrove’s eyes. The pain spread and settled on his face for only a split second, but it was long enough for Velvet to catch and read it. “To… To Lance.”

“ _To Lance~_ ” Velvet crooned. Little Stargrove had just given up his true name to him, how wonderful! Oh, luck was on his side tonight, it seemed! But how far could he take it? “I know you from someplace…” he told him, pointing his middle nail out at him.

“I don’t think so….”

“Oh, I know I do,” Velvet smirked, shaking his head at the weak lie. “I’d never forget those eyes~” His dark nail gently ran down Lance’s cheek. “ _What they do to my spine~_ ”

Lance blushed, heavily. “Y- You might’ve seen my… my old man before.”

“Oh, really?” Velvet’s eyes lit up. The moment of truth was upon them both, now. “Sweetheart, would you mind getting me the ink that’s on the table over there?”

“Sure,” Lance nodded.

“Good,” he murmured, softly. “Thank you~”

“You’re welcome,”

“ ** _STARGROVE!_** ”

Lance’s head turned around, immediately. “…That name doesn’t really mean much to me these days…” he told him, bringing the ink bottle over to him.

“Oh?” Ragner smiled like the devil himself. “Still want your autograph?”

“Yes,” Lance told him, uncapping the bottle and holding it steady. Velvet dipped his middle nail in, scraped off the excess ink, and began to write on the photo.

“To Lance, _with love,_ ” he glanced up at the young man, noticing how his eyes never left him. “Velvet~” He handed over the autograph and leaned in close as Lance studied the picture. “Trade a wet kiss for this~?”

“ _A kiss…?_ ” There was something so soft, and yet almost vulnerable, the way Lance said that. 

“Just a kiss, baby,” Velvet purred, softly. He moved up against him gracefully, all while examining him covetously, like a person might examine a jewel- from every angle, from shoes to dirty jacket, from his crotch to lips. “Unless… you’re looking for more?”

“ _More,_ ” Lance said breathlessly, finding a sort of relax smile lay itself down on his face.

“Mmmhmhm, then it is more you shall have my little treat~ C’mon down with me, baby~” Velvet crooned out to him, taking him by the hands- forcing both the ink and picture from their hands and onto the floor- and over to the pile of pillows, lowering them both down onto the soft cushions. While he still wasn’t one hundred percent the young man wasn’t going to turn on him, the very offer of a fun, relaxing night with him was more than enough for him to take a chance on him. If Lance did decide to turn, then he could always just kill him. Oh… but he would feel bad if he had to off such a beauty… But he’d feel worse if he couldn’t use the boy to help him find his missing disc to poison the city’s water supply.

Ragner shifted over down beside Lance, draping an arm across his body to rest his hand on his thigh; fingertips just curled around the inner seam of the young man’s pants. The glamorous being dropped his head and nuzzled into his shoulder, and Lace couldn’t help but lean into him.

“Mmhmn, you’re so tense. You looked so enthralled and curious up above the stage earlier, but,” Velvet moved him, tilting his head so that he could press a kiss to his temple before tugging him over to him. Two strong arms were suddenly around Lance’s middle, and Velvet hoisted him onto his lap. Lance gasped at the sudden seat change, then reminded himself to calm down. He came up here of his own free will and wanted… God, what had he wanted from Velvet? Something more? An offer he couldn’t refuse? An answer about his fath- No! No, no. This wasn’t about that deadbeat… This was his moment! This was his decision, and Lance was going to enjoy it for all it was worth. 

With a smile slowly falling back onto his face, Lance squirmed just to tease Velvet, tilting his head back to grin up in his direction.

Ragner’s hands were cold, his fingers dipping under Lance’s shirt to rub across his bare skin. Lance murmured something soft, feeling one hand glide up his chest while the thumb of his other hand was tucked under the band of his pants, pressing into his skin when his hips twitched with the pinch of cold fingers around one of his nipples. 

Suddenly, the young Stargrove could feel Velvet’s cock pressing up against him even better now, his ass rubbing up against him when he playfully squirmed. Velvet purred and thumbed at his fly, tugging down the zipper to ghost his fingers along Lance’s dick in order to make his new playmate press down onto him even harder.

Skilled and swift, Velvet brought down both hands to shove down his pants, Lance’s boxers dragging down his thighs along with them; cock wildly bouncing up into the open air. The smell of sex and lust began to sink into the air, overpowering them and driving their pulses even higher.

Ragner took Lance in his hand and squeezed hard, and Lance’s mouth fell open to make room for his groans. He shushed him, though, pressing two fingers against the young man’s tongue for him to wrap his lips around and suck. Saliva dripped onto Lance’s face in his attempt to coat Velvet’s fingers, his thick digits sliding past his lips in time with his slow strokes along his cock for him to chase with his tongue.

“ _Ooh,_ little Stargrove~ I didn’t know you knew how to play with the big boys~!” There was a sweet-sounding tone of adoration in Velvet’s voice, his thumb teasing over his slit to make his new toy’s hips twitch for him. Lance chin tilted up with his hand as he took it back, fingers popping from his mouth and slithering down between his beautifully muscled legs. Velvet hummed a little to himself as he shifted Lance’s hips, letting go of his cock to tilt him towards his waiting fingertips. Being very careful with his pointed nails, Velvet spread him apart and making his hole twitch when his own still warm saliva smeared around the rim.

Slowly, Velvet’s first finger sunk inside the young Stargrove without much resistance, his muscles twitching and squeezing around him even as he tried to calm himself down and give him more room to work with. He worked the second in, Lance’s hips pushing out to meet him as he stretched him out; twisting his wrist around as much as he could.

Lance whined when he pulled out, complaining even as Velvet took him by the hip to finally get out of his own pink laced-up outfit; shoving enough of it off just enough to free his dick and let his vagina breathe, letting it both drag against Lance’s skin on their way up. Lance tried to grab for him, desperate for more touch, but one of Velvet’s strong hands stilled him. Then he pulled him down once the head of his cock was dragging across his ass.

Lance bit the inside of his cheek, the swollen tip of Velvet’s cock sinking into his hole and making way for the rest of his shaft. Inch by inch until Lance was sitting on his lap again, the entirety of the hermaphrodite’s dick buried inside him. The firm grip the young man’s teeth had on his cheek did nothing to hold back the loud moan that escaped past his lips.

“Ohh, Lance, you’re so damn tight.” Velvet moaned beside his ear, rolling his hips for him. Lance nodded through the slight sting, Velvet’s precum serving as the only lube between them aside from whatever’s left of his own spit. But damn if Lance didn’t just love the burn, it drove him insane and made him feel alive in the moment.

“Move, baby~ Move for mommy, sugar~” Lance rocked his hips, waiting for Velvet to trust up against him harshly; taking him by the waist to guide him while Lance rode him, and also make sure that he was keeping up with him. Velvet wasn’t kind when they really began to build up a real rhythm. He didn’t slow down for Lance’s hiss of pain and pleasure, fingernails biting harshly into the younger man’s skin as the glamorous hermaphrodite rocked into him. Lance jerked his hips, trying to reach that edge of orgasm- he was almost there!

“ _Vel- Velvet…!_ Velvet! _Please…!_ I- I just need, _I need,_ ” Lance swallowed thickly, his whole body twisting with Ragner’s hands. His response was digging his nails into his skin, leaving Lance with marks and definite scratches he knew he’d been feeling later. Velvet’s cock still pressed on inside him while he shifted their position, pressing Lance’s face down into the cushions below them and mounted him properly.

Lance’s back arched beautifully, hips canting back against his new partner as he stilled for just a single moment to adjust himself; that first slam of his cock into Lance shoved him over the edge. He clenched around him, the scent of fresh cum hitting the air even before he even came all over the cushions. 

“Christ, kiddo,” Velvet panted, lightly, “I didn’t even get to really have fun with you yet, babycakes~” Lance could hear the sly smirk in his voice, a hand cupping around his dick to milk out the last of his juices. But Velvet didn’t stop at that, stroking his still sensitive cock harshly in time with his shallow thrusts into him. The smack of their skin together was almost painfully loud, blending into Lance’s own desperate, gasping moans and choked calls of Velvet’s sweet name.

The young Stargrove creamed into his hand, his spent cock twitching against his palm and ass squeezing tightly around Ragner’s cock, making him moan. Velvet smeared his own cum onto the skin of his belly, taking him by the hips and holding him still to fuck him hard. Roughly, Velvet kept on thrusting until Lance felt him twitch inside him, burying his cock in his hole and spurting inside him. Lance gasped, letting himself collapse down onto the couch as he was filled up. Velvet emptied himself fully in a handful of spurts, rocking his hips to milk out all he had to offer and letting his spunk squish and ooze out of Lance and down his thighs.

“Nothin’ to lose, right sugar?” Velvet panted, heavily. His hands ran over the young man’s sides, gently brushing against him but also pinching here and there.

Lance smirked back at him. “Yeah… Nothin’ at all, Velvet~”

 

  
“….. Gene….”

“Oh, good God…. Hey... _Wait..._ Did you grant them permission to use one of the songs in the movie... as a throw away line... _Gene..._ oh God...”

“Well…. I didn’t think this was a porno, but you made it one, Genie. Congrats…. Oh Christ… _Congrats…_ ”

Gene raised a brow at his fellow bandmates in the movie theater row beside him. Eric looked sort of surprised, but he wasn’t entirely speechless. Bruce looked a little pale and pretty much done with everything… Maybe a bit surprised by the surprise of his X-rated scene that snuck its way into his latest movie. He probably should’ve told them about that before he brought them to come see it.

Paul… Paul had dropped his popcorn and looked downright ready to dropkick him.

“ _You… Gene,_ you left KISS for weeks- months to- to- **THIS?!?!?!** ” He exclaimed, throwing his hands at the screen.

Gene threw back his head and laughed, slapping his knee. “ _HAHaHHAAH!_ It was worth it to see the look on your face! Worth every minute of porn!”

“Fake porn, yeah?” Eric piped up from the end of the row.

“… _Ah,_ yeah. Sure, let’s go with that.”


End file.
